Now, she made the choice to look into your phone, so what kind of tradeoff does that decision imply? She gains: potentially information but there isn't any , soothing her anxiety can be important , and also she tests your response to her invasion of your privacy.
She knew you would be hurt when you found out because you told her yet she did it anyway. This means she assigns more value to whatever benefits she gets by looking into your phone than she assigns to your feelings, or the status of the relationship. If this was not true, she would simply have thought "If I look through his phone, he's gonna feel hurt, and I want him to be happy, so I'm not gonna do that. You, on the other hand, assign more value to your privacy than to her being reassured by not finding anything in your phone.
So, I proposed two hypotheses, the first in which she has no actual jealousy and is just acting like a jerk, and the second hypothesis in which she sincerely worries. You can invent many others, until you find the right one But she did not say she was sorry for looking into your phone, instead she seems to behave like she thinks she has the right to do it and disregard your feelings, which is a major tell. In any case, I believed I was in the right condemning this behavior until recently, when a friend of mine told me his girlfriend did this all the time and he did not make much of it.
Relationships might be built on trust, but building walls and boundaries is not the way to build that trust. Most likely your girlfriend got cheated on in her past. Have a conversation with her and figure out what the deal is. If she is carrying around some baggage and trust doesn't come easily to her, then do what you can to support and help her, including not being bothered when she snoops on your phone.
She might just need that extra boost. It sounds to me like she is feeling insecure. That may or may not be because you've given her reason to doubt you, but while your boundaries are important, how you approach this should be based on her rationale. It could be emotional baggage from prior relationships, or maybe she had dysfunctional role models. On the other hand, maybe you have given her reason to question your faithfulness, even without knowing it.
Assuming this woman is important to you and you want the relationship to last, if her insecurities have nothing to do with you, you may need to allow her unprecedented access, until she realizes how stable and faithful you really are.
How to See My Boyfriend’s Text Messages Without His Phone
A lot of people have never experienced that and it can be hard to believe. The flip side, which you may or may not come to realize, is that having one person in your life to whom you provide complete access can be very special, too. So, it's not exactly a matter of whether she has the right to "monitor" you. It's about whether you're ready to be in a relationship where you have absolutely no secrets.
I trust my woman to respect the confidentiality of my friends, so her seeing a private conversation with a friend about the problems he's going through will never be a problem, and I don't have those kinds of conversations with other women — or if I do, my baby knows the whole story. I'm not going to get into the scenario about how you keep her out of your business if you do have secrets you don't want her to see on your phone.
I'll just give you the benefit of the doubt that that's not the case. You've used the word partner but it sounds more like a friend you have an exclusive I assume intimate relationship with. A partner is a step on the road to life partner. Shifting the emphasis to "life partner". I imagine you would be comfortable to give free access to all of you to your life partner, which includes, but is not limited to:. If you can see, and are excited about, a future with this person as your life partner then I recommend sharing phone communications while you collaboratively focus on your future mutual benefits.
Sign up to join this community. The best answers are voted up and rise to the top. Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. Partner reading my phone messages [closed] Ask Question. Whenever I confront her she gives me the "Why does it bother you if you have nothing to hide? Volker Siegel 1 1 silver badge 6 6 bronze badges. Tom Tom 2 2 gold badges 3 3 silver badges 10 10 bronze badges.
Way to hack text messages without them knowing
Also, if it came to it. Would she let you go through her phone? BradleyWilson: location Belgium is added. And to answer your question.
Yes, she would. When I confronted her she gave me her phone telling me I could go through it. But abiding by my principles or being stubborn I told her I would not, since I respect her privacy. Comments deleted. Comments are for clarification about the question; answers should be posted as answers, not comments.
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The most important parts of relationships are communication and trust. Erik Erik 6, 4 4 gold badges 26 26 silver badges 36 36 bronze badges. I think there is some wiggle room on the initial incident, just because different people have different ideas about what is and isn't appropriate.
But once it became an issue of willful violation of a specific request, that is a horse of a different color. You're very much right. If you need to know anything, you know you're more than welcome to come and ask me?
Part 2: How to Read Deleted Messages on iPhone with iCloud:
You could simply state: Working in security for technology, I don't feel comfortable with anyone going into my phone and I would very much like my privacy respected, as I would offer you the same courtesy. Bradley Wilson Bradley Wilson 8, 10 10 gold badges 59 59 silver badges 95 95 bronze badges. Good one!
OP didn't say it clearly, but because of the way the question is written, one can think he didn't attempt to go through her phone or any other violation of privacy.
How To Access Someone's Text Messages From Another Phone | TTSPY
Therefore, feeling hurt seems legitimate. You should be able to talk about what is bothering one of you and come to agreement how to solve it. The answer to "why does it bother you? In a relationship, a response along the lines of "I'm a security professional and it's my job to be bothered by this" doesn't really mean much. I think there are three aspects to this: Privacy - there is an expectation in many cultures that your diary, phone, journal etc. I share almost everything with my wife, for example.
But not everything - if I want to organise a surprise holiday or present for her, I want it to remain a surprise. Trust - if the relationship is strong enough you may feel that you should just be trusted. If she is looking through your phone, could this imply that the trust relationship isn't fully there. Rory Alsop Rory Alsop 3, 13 13 silver badges 27 27 bronze badges. I think you really pointed at the core of the issue her.
The issue that OP should be bothered by is not 'Is this a violation of my privacy' but rather 'why does she seemingly not trust me'. Trust is the base of a relationship, and if that is missing, I suspect that needs to be fixed first. It could be because of a bad experience she had in another relationship or whatever, but it should be fixed. Your comment that close relationships may have an expectation of no secrets is, it seems to me, the best argument in favor of the OP's reaction.
Clearly, they do not have a relationship close enough to presume that kind of access - and really, I think that kind of close relationship, that trust, has to be explicitly chosen and not demanded. If OP had given her the pin, that would be a choice to trust - instead of her spying it out; if they had agreed to an expectation of no secrets between them, that's one thing, snooping after she had been told he did not agree to it is another. I believe my marriage has no "secrets". That said, I have never wanted to go through my spouse's belongings, wallet, laptop case, phone, etc and I wouldn't.
Likewise I'd feel stunned if he went through mine. I would hate for him to read my messages. For instance, I have some that do complain about his mother. I do not complain to him as it's just irritations and talk with close friends that I am trying to sort how to handle. It's not a secret I am irritated by things with his mom at times, but I don't burden him with my petty annoyances, it's his mother.
Hacking a Cell Phone to Read Text Messages & More
Adding to the other answers with a point which in my opinion is very important and still missing: By going through your private messages your SO does not only violates your privacy which has already been covered but also the other person's privacy. Bowdzone Bowdzone 2 2 silver badges 6 6 bronze badges.
The OP actually mentioned this in the question. Acknowledging in your answer that it is already mentioned in the question would be fair IMO. To add on other excellent answers, ask her Why do you have to go through my phone? Vylix Vylix 6, 3 3 gold badges 29 29 silver badges 72 72 bronze badges. I wouldn't use the word cheating as that may prompt her to think that you thought on that precisely because he is cheating.
I think something like What do you think you will find here?